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| There's this illusion that homosexuals have sex and heterosexuals fall in love. That's completely untrue. Everybody wants to be loved. ~Boy George |
The New Year. 2012 - A new life for me, having been home for the last two months from my adventures in Manila. For the past 6 years, Manila has been home to me. Now, I’m back to where I was born- the place where I belong... or do I?
My father, I and some childhood friends were outside our neighbor’s house for a "drinking session". Everything started out well and as the night came to its height, my father decided to go home, having me stay behind. After some time, I could hear my father shouting at my mom and I, being the eldest, went inside to check what was going on.
When I reached home, I told my father to have his rest - after all, he was already drunk. He then started yelling at me, telling me I was bullying him. Being innocent of the charge, I asked him how. He then shouted at me telling me not to question him, and being drunk myself, I courageously but calmly told him that he said something and I didn't understand him that was why I asked him to repeat what he said. He burst once again, and told me to live on my own and to leave the house. He said he saw me holding hands with a guy, who was my childhood friend, and he just couldn't accept it. I calmly told him again if there was anything wrong with me being gay. He just mumbled. Though I was drunk, I was able to withhold myself from speaking ill words at him - he is still my father. Though deep down, I was really hurt having my own father somewhat "disown" me and have me leave our own abode.
I then packed my things that night but my mom asked me to just go the next day and she would talk to my father when he’s sober. I heeded. Early the next day, I went to work as usual, bringing most of my things with me. The day went by. My mom and I met near my workplace and asked her how everything was; she disappointedly told me that when my father woke up, he began saying ill-words to my younger brother, who is also gay, and told him to leave the house as well. My heart just bled and was filled with disappointment. I guess there is no hope of him having a change of outlook towards gay people.
I am now pondering. Why is it that my father hates gay people so much? Why is it that his homophobia resulted to us, his children, being thrown away from home? Is it because he cannot accept that both us are gay? Is he so afraid of what people might think knowing that we are not straight? Is it because he wants to protect the family name? These questions will remain unanswered so long as his closed-mind stay closed.
In spite of this New Year incident, I am still blessed perhaps. My experiences in Manila with my fellow LGBT activists made me strong. I never lost myself as I am armed with the knowledge that I am a human being and I have rights to be respected. I have been conditioned to respect myself despite of my sexual orientation and gender identity. I have been taught to stand for my rights. I learned to accept myself for who I am. I am who I am.
This experience has led me to think and go deeper into the battle I am facing - the battle faced by most LGBT people – to be respected, accepted, and loved by our families and the society. I am blessed indeed, for I was prepared in facing such. What's bothering me now is, what about those LGBT people who do not know their rights? What about those LGBT children who are too young to defend their gender identity? What about those LGBT students who get bullied at school? What about those LGBT's who are stared upon or being shamed while going to work? Are they prepared to face such discrimination from the society? Do they just shun away and remain silent? Or do they just choose to repress themselves so that the society would accept them?
The New Year! I am back to where I came from. I am back to the place where I was born. I am back to fight a battle in opening the minds of people so that I, and the rest of the LGBT people here in Negros, will be accepted and can shout with pride: We belong!
